


You Can Run, But You Can't Hide

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Drama, Episode Related, Gap Filler, Season/Series 04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-11-27
Updated: 2006-11-27
Packaged: 2018-12-27 09:50:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12078648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Cynthia knows Brian well enough to know something is wrong in Kinneyland.  A rather long gap-filler for S4.





	You Can Run, But You Can't Hide

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

  
Author's notes: My first QaF fic ever and the first fic I've written in years.  I hated how little time Cowlip spent on Brian's cancer - such a huge thing in someone's life and so little time spent on it.  This is my way of dealing.  Thank you to Ev for all of her help!  


* * *

Cynthia stared at Brian’s back as he left through the glass doors of Kinnetik without so much as a word to anyone. Again. He had barely looked up from packing his briefcase when he told her a few minutes ago that we would be leaving for the day. The doors closed behind him and she sighed. Brian was out of sight, she could allow herself to worry openly. Something was very wrong in Kinneyland.

Losing Vic was hard for Brian. She knew him well enough to know that and to know that he wasn’t about to talk about it. Between Ted, Brian and Justin, she had also gathered enough subtle hints to realize that something had happened since Vic’s death to put Brian on the outs with Debbie and to reclaim his standing as #1 asshole in Pittsburgh. No one was giving details, and she knew better than to ask, but whatever it was, it had to have been bad.

But this. This seemed like something entirely different. Something that just happened to be taking up the same time frame as Vic’s passing and the fallout it created. At first she thought the trip to Ibiza was just Brian falling back into his old pain management habits, albeit a bit more creative since this time he was actually leaving the country to get drunk and fuck. Had he really run out of men in this country? Not likely.

At first, she was pissed. Absolutely fucking furious with Brian for up and leaving her in the lurch with Kinnetik. By the second day of his absence though, she had stopped counting the number of times she’d thought “this is so not like Brian” and started to calm down. She started to analyze the situation and pick it apart, looking for clues as to what was really going on with her friend and boss.

Brian had been oddly quiet in the office. Alternating between this singularly focused, driving intensity that you could practically see hovering around him like an aura or total and complete distraction. It was like he was racing to prove himself all over again, just when the agency was starting to gain momentum. Until of course, he totally left them for outer space. At first, she chalked it up to losing Vic and whatever this family drama was. Now she was sure she had been wrong in that assumption.

The first thing that should have raised the bullshit flag for her was that he had made his own travel arrangements for that spur of the moment trip to Ibiza. Had she not been so damn mad at him, she would have caught that one sooner. Cynthia and Brian had been a team for more than five years now and he had never, not once, made his own travel arrangements. As she said that night, why now? Why was he taking off without telling anyone, not even Justin, about his plans at this incredibly important time for the agency? What was he hiding? Why was he upset enough to smash a lamp if he was going on vacation? No, that trip was not for pleasure.

The second clue, the one that really moved her from mad to worried was how he looked when he got back from his “trip to Ibiza”. For someone who had supposedly been frolicking on the beach on vacation, he looked like hell. Instead of looking tanned and well fucked, he was pale, there were dark circles under his eyes, and his normal “I own the world” saunter was missing. It was like every step was painful, but he was desperately trying to hide it.

She knew her concern was justified when he almost passed out the next day during their staff meeting. For years, she’d watched Brian party hard and then work all day, but this was not the same. Everyone at the table saw it. Ted beat her into the office and by the time Brian came back to the table, his game face was mostly back. Brian hid himself in his office for the rest of the day. He left just after the rest of the staff left, which was early for him.

Things got really weird when she came in to find Justin sitting in the office reception area. Odd since he usually went right to Brian’s office and even more odd since Brian hadn’t come in yet. They moved to positively bizarre when Brian finally made it in. He kicked Justin out, threatened him with a restraining order and then said something about calls from Vic! What the hell had happened? Ted called him a cab a few hours later and Brian left looking like death warmed over. Ted made the presentation to Dandy Lube. Or tried to, thank god she was there to help! Brian was trusting new accounts to the accountant? Just what the hell was going on? It had to be huge and she started imagining all kinds of horrible things.

He came in late again the next day, looking even worse than the day before. For a man who prided himself on his looks, it was hard to imagine that he had left the loft looking like this more than once. The first few hours were quiet. He seemed intent to work without speaking to anyone. She was just about to invent an excuse to go in when she saw him get up quickly and practically run for his private bathroom.

Files in hand, she pretended that she hadn’t seen a thing. As she handed over the latest research on Dandy Lube, she studied him. He was still pale and there were tiny little blood vessels broken around his mouth, evidence that he had been throwing up. Was he sick? He had to be, nothing else made any sense. But what? What was wrong with him? She resolved this wasn’t going on any longer. Like it or not, Brian was going to talk to her.

He asked for more files and proceeded to pack his briefcase. As he was leaving, she asked if he would be back. All she got was a terse “no” without so much as a backwards glance as he headed for the waiting cab. She tried to pump Ted for information once Brian was gone. He looked terrified, which proved he knew something, but he said nothing. She guessed he was under a threat of death from Brian if he gave up any information at all. No problem, Mr. Kinney, I know how to handle you.

Cynthia spent the rest of the day planning her visit to the loft that night. She gathered some paperwork that would need his signature soon and added it to her briefcase. It would at least get the heavy metal door open. Getting Brian to open up was another story.

“What?’ The bark sounded tired and weak even through the intercom.

“It’s Cynthia. I need your signature.”

The buzzer sounded and she used the time in the elevator to make sure she didn’t seem as nervous as she felt. She was sure Brian was sick and that scared her more than she wanted to admit. Not only was he her boss at their fledgling agency, but he was her friend.

The loft door opened slowly to reveal a clearly exhausted Brian. “What do I need to sign?” He asked without moving.

Not wanting to be pushed away before she’d said her piece, she pushed past him and over to the kitchen island.

“Come on in.” He snarked, but nonetheless followed her over and settled into one of the tall chairs.

As Brian looked over the documents and began signing, she took a deep breath, it was now or never. “Brian.”

He ignored her.

“Brian?” She tried again. He read on.

“Damn it, Brian. Don’t ignore me! I know something is wrong and you are going to tell me what it is!”

He opened his mouth, ready to deny everything, but she cut him off. “Don’t even try to bullshit me. We’ve known each other for too long and I know you too well. Something is very wrong. I can tell and you need to talk to me. You look like hell. You skipped town at the worst possible moment. You had a fight with Justin in front of the whole office. You let Ted make a presentation! And now, you’re coming in late and leaving early. Do not tell me that nothing is wrong! Kinnetik may be your agency, but I thought we were in this together. If you’re sick, and I think you are, I can at least help you with the office stuff so you don’t jeopardize the agency.”

Fear flashed across his face first. She knew. Then resignation as he realized he wasn’t going to be able to keep hiding it from her. She also had a point. The radiation was kicking his ass and it showed. He was going to need her on his side in order to keep Kinnetik going while he finished his treatments. Ted had been helpful, God it hurt to even think that, but Cynthia knew the business much better than Ted did. Together they could keep things running smoothly in his absence.

“I have cancer.” No point in beating around the bush.

“Shit.” She dropped against the nearest stool, stunned.

“Yeah.” He sighed.

She was trying to process this as fast as she could, before Brian shut down on her. Brian had cancer. It was too scary to even think, but yet, here they were.

“What kind?”

She saw the wince. “Testicular.”

“Oh my God.”

The words were out before she could stop them. Someone had a sick sense of humor to give Brian Kinney testicular cancer. She wanted to hug him, hold him tight, but one look at him told her that was the worst thing she could do. She pulled herself together and vowed to save her freak out until she got home.

“What does the doctor say?”

“They think they got it all. I’m in radiation.”

“Is that why you’ve been sick and out of the office so much?” He nodded.

“Treatments are first thing in the morning. The first few hours are okay, but then it all hits.”

“How much longer?”

“Rest of this week, all of next week.”

“Ibiza?”

“Surgery. Johns Hopkins.”

They looked at each other as everything clicked into place for Cynthia. She had been right, something had indeed been very wrong in Kinneyland. Brian had cancer. Testicular cancer. Oh how she wished she had been wrong. Brian looked like he wanted to run away, if only he had the strength. She had never seen him look so completely wrung out.

She was about to ask if Justin knew, but remembered the scene in the office just in time. Brian must be hiding this from everyone possible, including Justin. She caught herself and stuck to the business.

“So, what do we need to reschedule?”

They spent the next hour going over Brian’s calendar. Cynthia would postpone as much as possible until Brian was finished with his radiation. What couldn’t wait, they would either try to handle in the morning right after Brian got back or it would be handed off to Ted and Cynthia. Ted was about to get a crash course in advertising. Ted and Cynthia were sworn to secrecy under threat of death. Until Brian was ready for people to know, they weren’t allowed to tell anyone about his cancer.

Brian was fading fast and she wanted to go home so she could meltdown in private. She got up to leave and he followed her to the door. Taking a chance she pulled him into a tight hug. Surprisingly, he allowed it.

“Take care of yourself. Don’t be stupid and try to do everything alone. I care about you and will be there for you. You aren’t just my boss, you’re my friend and I want you around to yell at me for a long time.”

Brian looked surprised, but she thought she saw a tiny bit of relief or comfort on his face, as well. He closed the door behind her and she opted for the stairs this time. The sooner she got out of the building, the sooner she could get home and let her emotions loose.

Closing the door behind her, Cynthia kicked off her shoes, grabbed a drink and headed straight for couch. She was drained and a thousand thoughts were running around in her brain. Brian had cancer. Strong, invincible, Brian. Cancer! She let the tears fall needing to get them over with now, where Brian wouldn’t see it. Would he really be okay? Did they really get it all? Would it come back? How would something like testicular cancer affect Brian’s emotional health? Someone who was so completely defined by his sexuality and his reputation as a stud had to be even more devastated by the type of cancer he had than the fact that he even had cancer in the first place. This was going to knock his whole world off its axis.

How was he handling it? He’d just lost Vic, who had suffered on and off for years. Getting a cancer diagnosis on the heels of Vic’s death had to make things seem so much worse. Shit! She realized with a start that Vic’s funeral wasn’t all that long before his so-called trip to Ibiza. When had Brian found out exactly? Before or after Vic died? Either way, it couldn’t have been more than a few days before or after. How horrible for Brian! Talk about making a bad situation worse! Losing someone you care about and finding out you have cancer at the same time? He was going to need a lot of love and support to get through this, if only he was going to let people love and support him.

She couldn’t believe he hadn’t told Justin. Had he really not told him or was he just shutting himself off? It was classic Brian Kinney to push people away, but she really thought he had changed over the past couple of years. Had he told anyone besides Ted? (When did Brian start confiding in Ted anyway?) Did he really think he could try and fight cancer alone? Did he really think he could hide something like this? God, he could be the most frustrating man on the planet sometimes!

How were they going to get him through the radiation treatments without letting anyone else know? He looked sick. He’d lost weight. His usual confident, sexy, swagger was gone. They had to be very careful about keeping this from their clients. A brand new agency like theirs could easily be ruined if word got out that the creative force behind it had cancer. Clients would pull their accounts and practically run back to Vance if they thought Brian was sick and unavailable to them. They would go under in no time! Everything Brian had worked so hard for would be gone. They had to pull this off!

Cynthia cornered Ted in Brian’s office the next morning before Brian got in from his treatment.

“I know.”

Ted paled.

“Know what?” He tried to cover.

“About Brian, Ted.”

Cynthia hoped Ted didn’t make a habit of playing poker. He couldn’t bluff to save his life.

“Oh. Does he know you know?

“Yes.” She could see the relief washing over him.

“And you’re still here, so I guess its okay to talk to you. Can you believe this? I never thought something like this would happen to Brian.” Ted voice was hushed, like he was still afraid to say it out loud and make it real.

“I know. It’s like some kind of sick joke. But it’s not, and now we have to deal with it. We need to cover for him here and make sure we help him as much as we can. We can’t let the clients know Brian has cancer. The agency is too new and too many of them are coming here just for Brian Kinney.”

Ted nodded. Brian’s unique talent and personality made Kinnetik.

“What do we do?”

“I’ll start rearranging as many of his meetings and presentations as I can. The ones I can’t, you and I will need to handle.”

“Me?” Ted looked pale again. “I’m an accountant!”

“And yet, Brian let you do the Dandy Lube presentation. If we have to make another presentation, I’ll help you prepare and we’ll do it together.”

Ted nodded. He hadn’t done that badly really. It could have been worse. At least it was lube. He was a fag, he knew about lube! What if it had been tampons or something? He shuddered at the thought, but promised himself that no matter what the product he would do better if there was a next time. He owed Brian so much for this second chance at his career.

By the time Brian arrived, Ted and Cynthia had a plan for just about everything. The biggest variable was the rest of the office staff. Surely they were going to notice, but until the whispers started or Brian decided to tell them, there wasn’t much to do.

The next few days passed with relative ease. Brian got as much done as he could at the office before the nausea and vomiting set in. He took work home with him each night and tried to be productive there. Cynthia and Ted picked up as much slack as they could. If someone called insisting on talking to Brian when he wasn’t in, she’d say he was in a meeting and then call him at home to have him return the call from there. For the most part, it worked.

The staff started to get curious, but a stern look from Cynthia seemed to end all speculation at first. It got harder the second week since Brian was a notorious workaholic, but until he was ready to talk, all she could do was deflect their questions and try to put an end to any blatantly wrong innuendo.

She was absolutely thrilled to see Justin return to the office without any threats of restraining orders from Brian. She had no idea what happened to bring them back together, but suddenly it was Justin with the car instead of a cab coming to get Brian and Justin quietly slipping in to leave food or bottles of water on Brian’s desk. She said a silent prayer of thanks. Whether he was willing to admit it or not, Brian needed Justin. And Justin had always been good for Brian.

They made it through the rest of his radiation treatments without any major problems. Brian was tired and worn out, and the staff was getting increasingly curious, but the clients didn’t suspect a thing. After the radiation, he made slow, but steady progress every day. Getting his coloring back, being able to work longer, and regaining most of the spark in his personality that had been missing. Justin was around to make sure Brian didn’t skip meals or work too much. If asked, Cynthia was sure he’d deny it with everything he had, but just having Justin around seemed to ground Brian, relax him a little.

Then the unthinkable happened. Brian’s mother of all people showed up at the office. She knew he wasn’t on speaking terms with his mother or his sister and she knew his mother was a bible-hugging fanatic who had no use for gays. So to see his mother appear at the office without an appointment was nothing less than shocking and discomforting.

And loud.

Within minutes their visit had dissolved into a screaming match the entire office heard. What was that about discretion being the better part of valor?

Joan Kinney left the office in tears, proclaiming shame on Brian, with Brian hot on her heels screaming about how he’s rather spend all eternity in hell than one day in heaven with her. Oh yeah, just another quiet day at the office. So much for keeping his cancer from the staff. There was no way they missed the part about the one ball he had left. With Brian’s meltdown, they were going to have some explaining to do.

Cynthia gave him a few minutes to cool down before venturing into the lion’s den. He was sitting at his desk, back to the door.

“Don’t say it.” He said without moving.

“You have no idea what I was about to say.”

“You’re here to tell me I was wrong to lose my temper and yell at my mother.”

“No,” that got him to turn around at least, but why did he seem like he was trying to hide a smile? “Actually I’m here to tell you that because you lost your temper and yelled at your mother, in front of the whole office, we need to have a staff meeting and do some explaining.”

“I don’t have to explain shit.”

“Yes, you do. Every person in this office has noticed that there is something going on with you. They’ve noticed how you look and how much you’ve been gone lately. They aren’t stupid, they know something is up. Now, they’ve witnessed you screaming at your mother about your balls and rotting in hell instead of spending time in heaven with her.”

The raised eyebrow told her that she at least had his attention now.

“You have two choices. You can either act like a total shit and insult their intelligence by pretending nothing is happening or you can be honest with them and not jeopardize the great team we have here.”

It only took a moment for Brian to concede.

“Give me fifteen minutes and then call a staff meeting. I’m only going to say this once, so make sure everyone is there.”

The quiet murmurs about this eventful day stopped the minute Brian stepped out of his office. Cynthia took her usual presentation position across from Brian where she could see and take note of everyone’s reactions.

“I’m sure you’re all wondering about some things that have been happening around here lately.” Cynthia noted that practically everyone in the room nodded.

“First, I’d like to apologize for my behavior earlier. It was inappropriate and I’m sorry you had to witness my mother and I in action. My mother believes that all homosexuals are abominations destined to rot in hell for eternity. I’m sure you can understand how that would tend to piss me off.” Jaws dropped and heads nodded. Knowing exactly how many gay people they had on staff, she knew the Joan Kinney fan club wasn’t getting new members today.

“I was recently diagnosed with cancer.” The collective gasp was audible. Brian looked like he wanted to bolt. “The doctors tell me they got it all and that I have a 99% chance of beating it with follow up treatment. I just finished radiation.” Cynthia didn’t think it was possible for the jaws to drop any farther. “I’m fine, or at least I was until my mother walked in here and decided that god gave me cancer to punish me for being gay.” Oh look, they can.

“Anyway, the doctors are confident I can beat this, so that’s the plan we’re going with. What is important for Kinnetik is that we keep this to ourselves. It will hurt the agency if word gets out that I have cancer and people think I’m unavailable to the clients. I’m trying like hell not to let that happen and I hope each of you can understand both the personal and professional reasons why I am asking you not to discuss it.” Cynthia watched as Brian made eye contact with everyone in the room to make sure they were with him. Their team was still a team. Shocked and stunned at the moment, but still together.

A few weeks later, Brian was pretty much back to normal. You really had to look to notice the small changes cancer and radiation had left. To the casual observer, Big Bad Brian was back. To the more informed, Big Bad Brian would never be quite the same again. Cynthia was getting ready to leave for the weekend when Ted stopped her. He looked like a deer caught in headlights.

“What’s wrong, Ted?”

“I just found this in my desk.” He passed her an envelope. It looked like opera tickets, season passes by the look of it. She smiled. So very Brian.

“You like opera, right?” She gave him her best “duh” face.

“Well, yeah, but where did they come from and why?”

“Ted, are you really that dense? You know exactly who they came from, why he did it and why he doesn’t want you to make a big deal out of it. Now take your tickets, go home, and think of some way to say thank you without saying thank you.” Ted grinned, shook his head and walked away. She was right and he knew it.

Once Ted was gone, she went to her own desk. Inside the top drawer, she found a blue velvet box. “Damn, he’s good.” She thought before she’d even seen what was in it. He knew how much she loved jewelry. He had obviously remembered her birthstone, too. The emerald earrings inside were gorgeous. Just big enough to be impossible not to notice, but not so big as to be tacky or look like they were fake. Oh yes, the man had good taste.

Looking around the office, she had to smile. It had been a tricky couple of months. Brian’s world had been shaken to the core and every one around him had felt it in one way or another. But they had all come through it. Brian and Justin were together and seemed as strong as ever. She and Brian were still the perfect tag-team at the office. The team at Kinnetik was strong and the company was growing by leaps and bounds. But best of all, it looked like Brian would be fine. She still had her friend and he was getting healthier every day. He was beating cancer.

Swapping her old earrings for her new ones, she slipped into Brian’s office. Without saying a word, she kissed him on the cheek, gave him a quick hug and left. Life in Kinneyland was pretty good.  



End file.
